U Can’t Touch This

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Yesterday I emerged from the shower to find my husband watching the babies an episode of In Living Color. The iconic Fly Girls nailed the Running Man to Calloway’s 1989 hit “I Wanna Be Rich.” Instantly I am in 7th grade, feeling all the Fly Girl feelings. These middle school style muses embodied 1990: Hair, dance moves, attitude. A pitch perfect blend of hip-hop and cheerleading in Merry Go Round crop tops. 

The throwback theme followed me to Tysons Corner Center where I encountered the Vans window display: Two mannequins in tie-waist flannels and high waist jeans posed under the directive: “Bring Back the 90’s!” I snapped a snarky picture to share with my Facebook friends. Subtext: “Silly children.” Translation: “We are old.”

The generation gap happens slowly. First Michael Jackson dies. Then one day you glance through Glamour magazine and find that you can’t relate to a damn article about Tinder hook up etiquette or what to wear to a boozy brunch. And then the Vans store packages your teenage wardrobe as “ironic vintage.”

It’s unsettling to realize that you are no longer the target audience. I remember the day I came home from the mall with a pair of pink peace sign earrings. My dad was all “do you even get the significance?” He was thinking Woodstock and I was channeling NKOTB.

Today’s outfit proves that fashion is truly cyclical as it just occurred to me that I’m wearing Hammer pants. Can’t touch this. 

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Outfit details:  Chloe Havana sunglasses (2014); Stella & Dot Havana pendant necklace (2015); Pave disk necklace (2014); J.Crew embroidered cuff 92015); Gilt.com Firth tank top (2012); Target Mossimo “Hammer” pants (2015); Sergio Rossi flat sandals (2015);  Loeffler Randall open work tote (2015); Hermes scarf tied on handle (2014)

Highlight Reel

This week’s fashion themes were flat sandals, pendant necklaces and the ole pocket book elbow hook. Out of all of my blogged outfits so far, these looks feel the most like like “me.” Can you tell me why?

Outfit details: Hermes Maxi Twilly as head wrap (2014); Chloe Havana sunglasses (2014); ASOS dress (2014); Stella & Dot Havana convertible pendant necklace; Sergio Rossi gold sandals (2015); Loeffler Randal Industry bag (2014)

Outfit details: Foster Grant aviator sunglasses (2015); Stella & Dot Rebel pendant necklace (2014); Helmut Lang twisted back tank (2014); Hermes scarf as belt (2007); Banana Republic skirt (2015); Loeffler Randal Industry bag (2014); Loeffler Randal gladiator sandals (2009)

Chloe Havana sunglasses (2014); Target/Mossimo red tank top (2014); J.Crew cardigan (2010); DVF skirt (2012); Manolo Blahnik gladiator sandals, originally yellow (2007); dyed black (2009)

Throwing Shade

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I don’t get out much but when I do I lose my sunglasses. Two Saturdays ago we celebrated a friend’s birthday and I left my Chloe Havana’s on his rooftop deck. Why my expensive sunglasses were on the deck and not my face is commensurate to the amount of wine I consumed before taking them off.  

Sunday morning dawned, brilliantly sunny, and my first instinct was to gather the kids for a Neiman Marcus field trip to replace the lost glasses. Reason my pounding headache prevailed and we got pancakes instead. After breakfast, we hit up Rite Aid for $13 Foster Grant aviators to hold me over until I could retrieve my perfectly good (did I mention expensive?) Italian pair.

This Saturday we visited a dear friend’s home to shower her baby-to-be. Kisses and love and a few Pinots later I left behind the Foster Grants. This friend knows me well. When she called to say her husband found them she casually mentioned she was confused by my sunglasses selection. “I told him those can’t belong to Jenn; all of her sunglasses are Prada or something.”  I explained the irony and we both had a laugh. Some behavior never changes but, I am proud to report, some behavior can.  

Today’s outfit is topped with my retrieved Chloe Havanas. I wear them all the time because are nice glasses, with polarized lenses and a good weight. The Foster Grant pair looked fine but they were cheaply made, with a flimsy frame and loose lenses that popped out the first time AJ threw them down the stairs. Today’s lesson: Invest in quality sunglasses. Also if you want a pair for free, invite me over for wine.

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Outfit details: Chloe Havana sunglasses (2014); Tart Collections dress (2015); Hermes scarf as belt (2009); Amethyst pendant (2015); Gold hoops, Mothers Day gift from Matt (2015); Kate Spade gold wedge sandals (2014); Coach Legacy purple cross body as clutch (2012)

Calculating D.I.N.K

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  1. Monthly payment on matching “His and Her” 2015 Range Rover SuperChargeds
  2. 18K white gold Cartier Love bracelet set with 2 diamonds
  3. One pair Christian Louboutin “So Kate Booty” in Python 
  4. Two nights, mid week, standard room, The St. Regis Aspen Resort, Aspen, CO
  5. 89 J.Crew perfect fit tank tops
  6. Saturday night coursed dinner for 10 at the Inn at Little Washington (excludes tip, taxes and gratuity)
  7. Four Hermes 36 x 36 silk twill scarfs
  8. Twenty-five year supply of Cibu Sticky Rice Pomade (111 tubs) 
  9. Mortgage payment, 4BR, 5BT, 3860 SF new construction in Dallas, TX
  10. 129 bottles of Mumms 

or

One month of daycare for my two children, Falls Church, VA

Good thing I paired down my wardrobe. 

Today’s outfit was an “Ish I woke up at 8:15AM!” fashion moment. Still managed to get out the door relatively on time because it’s pretty easy to pull it together when you only have three dozen-ish items in your closet. 

BTW: DINK means Double Income No Kids

Outfit details: Rite Aid Foster Grant aviator shades due to lost Chloe Havana (2015); LouLou scarf (2014); Tart Collections dress (2014); Kate Spade wedge sandals (2014); Stella & Dot Waverly Petite cross body bag; David Yurman Classic cable bracelet (2006); Stella & Dot Coral Cay earrings

Orange Crush

They say that an attraction to the color orange is an indicator of creativity. This makes sense because orange is also the color of the sacral chakra, which governs creativity. I must be creative - or maybe just influenced by the UVa fans in my family - because paired with navy blue, this summertime hue is popping up all over me. 


Outfit details: Chloe Havana sunglasses, (2014); J.Crew cashmere cardigan (2012); Tart Collections dress (2014); Stella & Dot Havana pendant necklace (2015); Stella & Dot Waverly Petite crossbody bag (2015); Kate Spade gold wedge sandals (2014)

Outfit Details: Chloe Havana sunglasses (2014); Peter Som for Bergdorf Goodman linen top (2008); Diane Von Furstenburg skirt (2007); Brian Atwood nude peeptoe pumps (2008);  Stella & Dot Waverly Petite crossbody bag (2015)

Head Case

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This weekend I unearthed hundreds of vintage pictures. You know the kind we used to take on a camera that housed a film roll, which you then removed and dropped off at CVS to develop and pick up one week later? I scanned through these relics pictures contemplating two decades of fashion choices. From Gangsta Chic to Raver 1.0, Miss Steeple Chase to Bebe Goes to Vegas, mine was a vast and varied trend trajectory.

I have always prided myself on possessing a definitive personal style but my fashion moments seemed disconnected.  Unnerved, I looked closer, willing a pattern to emerge. And there it was, right on top of my head. Be it a bucket hat or a bandanna, beret or backwards visor, the only thing more prevalent than the one arm on hip pose was my enthusiasm for headwear.  

Why the obsession with headdress? I pondered this. Does it convey status? Nobility? Class distinction? Nope. Simply put, I find the head the perfect place to put an accessory. Makes you look. Plus a jaunty hat has an attitude that just resonates with me.

Twenty years later, only the quality of my scarf selection has changed. I’ve upgraded the bedazzled JLo-era bandanna for a collection of Hermes twill but the attitude remains. As they say, you can take the girl out of Norfolk but you can’t take the Naughty out of the girl.

Today’s outfit reflects my 2015 style – a settled, comfortable and colorful aesthetic, accented by a baby. Of course I had to throw on a gypsy wrap for good measure.

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Outfit details: Hermes scarf as headband (2008); Girls Day Out raw amethyst pendant, Charlottesville Farm Market (2015); J.Crew cardigan (2014); Tart Collections top (2014); J.Crew #2 Pencil Skirt (2012); Renvy by Gilt.com sandals (2014). On Ashby: Baby Gap onsie and bubble shorts

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Raver 1.0 in fairy wings, candy necklaces and a glitter crown, 1997

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Sporty spice goes to beach week in a Ralph Lauren bucket hat, 1997

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Naughty by Norfolk in a classic gangsta bandanna and Tommy zip neck, 1999

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Miss Bebe in a beret, 2001

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Steeplechase vibes at Gold Cup, 2006

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Etsy rosettes and a Cibu pin at Washington Life’s Young & the Guest List Party, 2009

Selfie Schtik

As Cibu Brand Manager, I’ve created a lot of 259 hair styling tutorials. Cibu Do of the Day, a web series in which I attempted a new hair style every work day for three months, was a viral sensation in 2009. Cibu gained tremendous social traction and generated e-commerce income to boot. Alas, I was before my time. Priorities shifted and like many grassroots business endeavors, my focus was redirected towards more profitable projects. People always asked about those videos, though. The simple answer is that it takes a boatload of billable hours to film, edit, post, promote and moderate social content. Add salon expansion, repackaging, rebranding and two babies to the mix and ain’t nobody got time for that.

A CFO once told me that social media had a dubious ROI, at best. He was wrong. In 2015, social content is currency. And since Cibu is generating a lot of well-deserved media attention it’s clear that I need to dust off the bathroom mirror and make fresh Cibu vids to support the cause.

Mise en place! My equipment needed upgrading. Daunted by the task, I was certain new technology and hours of self teaching were required. Amazon was like, um no – here’s an iPhone tripod. Then Amazon sold me a selfie stick because that’s what everyone else who bought the tripod was buying.

So stay tuned for the return of self generated Cibu social content. With my reduced wardrobe, I’ve surely added enough time to my morning to film hair tutorials!

Today’s outfit is pretty simple. Get used to this dress; you will see it often. Versatile, comfortable and easy to dress up or down, it’s the perfect summer accessory to a selfie stick.

Someone say “selfie stick!”

Outfit details: Chloe Havana sunglasses; Asos black dress, 2014; Pave disk necklace, anniversary gift from Matt, 2014; Assorted random layering necklaces, origins unknown; Loeffler Randall Industry Bag, 2014; Manolo Blahnik gladiator sandals, originally purchased in yellow, 2007, dyed black in 2013

 Classic Cibu17, for your viewing enjoyment

Showing My Stripes

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I love stripes. At least that’s the story my outfits are telling. Truth is, my propensity towards stripe selection is almost entirely subconscious. There is a Benton stripe dress on my mental summer shopping list and damned if I’m not wearing one right now. Didn’t even connect the dots. 

Last night we moved next door. Our new tenants don’t arrive until June and we’ve had the keys to the new place since late February. Schlepping a few items ten feet across the lawn has been a nightly ritual for several weeks. Yesterday was the final haul - beds and the like. Easy peasy, right? Not quite. 

The thing about having two homes right next to each other and no sense of urgency to vacate/occupy either is that you just kind of leave a pile of non-essentials behind. Apparently disorganized non essentials make me very anxious. Overwhelmed. Snappy. Impatient. Okay, I was SUCH a bitch last night. After six weeks of closet reduction, space clearing, almost daily yoga and meditation - was it all just a delusion of mindfulness? 

That’s why we call yoga a practice,” whispers the tiny guru in my head. “For goodness sake you’re not enlightened yet! “

Thanks, tiny guru. Any chance you could apologize to Matt for me?

So yeah, last night, when I was confronted with my deep seeded need to be in control at all times, I showed my base nature. But unlike that bitchy tiger, I am pretty sure I can eventually change my stripes. Or at least stop buying more.

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Top Outfit Details: Gap denim shirt (2015); Tart Collections striped dress (2014); Tangerine cashmere scarf, origins unknown (2012); Chuck Taylor All-Stars (2006)
Bottom Outfit Details: Hermes scarf as head band (2013); Chloe Havana sunglasses (2014); J. Crew striped rolled sleeve tee shirt (2015); layered over J. Crew poppy silk cami (2015); Joe’s Jeans skinny fatigue pants (2010); Christian Louboutin Simple 85 pumps (2007); Loeffler Randall Industry Bag (2014); Kendra Scott big ass cocktail ring (2013); David Yurman Classic cable bangle (2006); Nonexistent manicure

6 Capsule Wardrobe Staples

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This infographic looks a lot better on Polyvore.  

Because the internet loves itself a random numbered list, here are my Project 333 Spring ‘15 Top 6 capsule wardrobe staples. Selected based on versatility, frequency of use, ability to anchor or connect an outfit and great fit, these items are best all around awesome.

  1. Gap Denim Shirt, 2015 - This shirt was my last mindless purchase of 2015 and it’s a winner. You can’t deny the cool factor of a denim shirt and I find myself reaching for it day after day. 
  2. Kiton Navy Blue Blazer, 2010 - So many good things to say about this jacket. Beyond classic styling and impeccable tailoring, the best thing about this Italian made blazer is that it’s valued north of $1000 but I scored it for free at the Greater Washington DC Clothing Swap.
  3. J.Crew Navy Blue Eyelet Skirt, 2012 - I could anchor 25 different outfits with this skirt. Navy blue is my favorite Spring neutral because you can pair it with virtually any color. Some fashionable people even wear navy blue with black. I do not. Reminds too much of St. Pius. 
  4. J. Crew Minnie Pants, 2013 - The perfect pant. The fit is on point and the angle at which they hit the ankle allows for easy styling with flats or heels. Classic and modern at once. J. Crew just gets it. 
  5. Halogen Nude Stacked Sandal Bootie, 2015 - Versatile, cheap and on trend. Marked down from $99 to $39 on Nordstromrack.com, these were a respectable purchase for Spring. Not that jazzed about the quality or construction (the leather is flimsy) but you get what you pay for with shoes. Which is why I usually pay a lot of money for shoes. Dammit.
  6. Hermes Eperon d'Or Remix Maxi Twilly Scarf, 2014 - My heart for an Hermes scarf! A signature accessory, this French beauty was a birthday gift from mon Mari. What makes her unique is her shape: she’s not a classic square but a long wide rectangle. Her vibrant color pallet and endless tie combinations earn her awesomeness status as my go-to outfit maker.

This week’s featured outfits utilize half of the Top 6 - can you find them?

Top Outfit: Street style selfie on timer in a stairwell at Towson Town Center
Top Outfit Details: BCBG asymmetrical tunic, 2013; J.Crew Minnie pants, 2013; Butter teal heels, 2012; Chloe Havana sunglasses, 2014; Stella & Dot Rebel Pendant, 2014; Party City teal Hermes knockoff cuff, 2014; Fendi B-Mix breast pump tote, 2007
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See what I mean about navy blue? Matches everything and not as graphically harsh as black.
Outfit Details: BCBG draped Dayton cardigan, 2013; No name navy pleated dress from TJ Maxx, 2011; Hermes Eperon d'Or Remix Maxi Twilly, 2014; Halogen booties, 2015; YSL Muse handbag, 2008; Chloe Havana sungleasses; Stella & Dot Norah chandelier earrings, 2014; Diamond disk pendant (2014) and floating citrin pendant (2010) gifts from Matt